Funny things

The Life of Blogger-Person

30.11.16


(Note: this blog post is meant to be a joke. Don't take it seriously by any means.) (Also I had no people in particular (except myself in no.2) in mind while writing this. Just don't get offended by anything here, okay, it's all meant to be funny. It might not be funny, but it's meant to be. Ha.)

1. Blogger-Person Starts Blog
First there's an ugly header, a layout which wobbles and needs tweaking. But Blogger-Person is proud of her (let's make Blogger-Person a girl, even though I know there are guy-bloggers) blog and she spends sweat, blood and tears trying to make it as nice as *insert her favourite blog* which, after some time, she realises will never happen. The first post is written in a flurry of excitement and oh, gleeful is the day when the follower-box has more than one for company. The first follower, after all, was Blogger-Person herself, because it's so much fun to see your own posts coming up in your own dashboard, ammirite?


2. Blogger-Person posts. A lot.
The first year of blogging often occurs in the years of little schoolwork and responsibilities. Happy were the days when Blogger-Person posted every day, sometimes twice a day, sometimes thrice. Inspiration was never low and inwardly she scorned those other blogger-peoples who said that they 'didn't know what to write about.' Why! The notion to her was impossible. Not know what to post about? The idea. The blogging world was an adventure and a thrill... she had 30 followers and finally had a celebrity status. And she really has the hang of it now. Like, she's giving all the New-Blogger-People advice.

3. Blogger-Person makes friends with other Blogger-People
This is an important stage in Blogger-Person's life and wins many new followers for her gain. If she's lucky some of her own favourite Blogger-People start interacting with her obviously it's time it make all the followers jealous by writing loads and loads of posts on how much fun they're having on their epic meet-up and by making sure to mention tons of inside jokes in the comments. Because it's so fun to tease readers and to brag about how intimate blogger friendships are. 


4. Blogger-Person moves blog & gets a fancy layout
The old blog posts are just far to embarrassing. Blogger-Person has changed and grown so much since she started this blog. Really, it is time for a new chapter in her life. She will continue blogging but it is time to venture in a new Blog. This time it is modern, SO LEGIT and fancy-schmancy. The title is the name of Blogger-Person and the sidebar has a cool gadget to show off the Instagram pictures. The blog posts only have pics made by Blogger-Person, and gifs of famous people, because Blogger-Person is no longer interested in what she was very interested in when she started blogging. She has grown; changed; and she is so so thankful for her darling followers for sticking around on her journey. *

5. Blogger-Person disappears forever
...but she has an Instagram account which is 100% active, so it's not like she's dead.
The disappearance of Blogger-Person is always mysterious, sometimes just offensive because we can SEE that she has a LOT OF TIME on her hands just looking at the Insta Gram. Blogger-Person gets married, Blogger-Person disappears. That's how things work. Or Blogger-Person get's too high-and-mighty for her lil' blog, she now finally has real life friends. Or Blogger-Person simply is too busy, she will say. Sometimes, after two years or something, A-now-Older-Blogger-Person returns (waaaaaaaat *comment section turns ecstatic*) with the promise that she will post more often. But that post with that promise really was the very last blog post.


(*EMMA I PROMISE I DID NOT WRITE THIS WITH YOU IN MIND.)

Gone with the Wind

If Period Drama Characters had Internet Bios #4

29.11.16


LARK RISE TO CANDLEFORD

@Laura_Timmins Lark Rise girl on an adventure in Candleford. Love my Par and Mar, poetry, journalling and my boyfriend.
@DameDorcasLane Instagram is my one weakness.
@AlfArless Hard working lad looking for more work in order to feed siblings. Music is my escape.
@ThomasBrown Postman of Candleford! Married to my wife! Sunday is for Church!
@thatgirlMinnie not minnie mouse, minnie from candleford! int that ectraodaniry! alf sure is lovely but il be persisterance.
@CAROLINEArless HIII LIFE IS GOOD! Just keep smiling and don't WORRY about the bills! It'll fall into place somhow promise
@JournalistDanielParish I'm a journalist and I'm proud to call Candleford my new home.
@MissEllison married to Thomas Brown so now my name is Mrs Brown, not Miss Ellison. Yay!
@MrRobertTimmins I'm a carpenter. Huband. Pa. Proud Lark Rise-ian.
@EmmaTimmins_mama Mama to five lovely kiddos, wife to a darling rascal!
@TwisterTurril I try onest I do! But then I do love a good drink. and I play music. and the pig is mine!
@QUEENIE "What a person believes isn't what they think, isn't what they say, it's what they do." - Myself
@FisherBloom Irish watch-maker boy. There is more to life than it seems.
@Gabriel_Cochrane The past is sometimes hard to leave behind. Ringer of bells.
@PearlPratt ::: dressmaker and sister ::: frills and furbelows ::: writer of the poem 'fly little bird.'
@youngersisterRuby also a dressmaker and and a sister ::: family is is important! :::
@EdmundTimmins my ma doesn't know i'm online says i'm too young. But i'm not. i go to the pub.
@Sydney I'm Sydney and I wear glasses and I'm a very good actor.
@Jamesdowland own a hotel which is cool, but my heart is broken because someone refused me.
@LadyAdelade Wife // Mistress // Maybe one day a Mama? // Melancholy
@SirTimothyMidwinter hey remember that time when we wrote our initials on the tree. let's talk about that for the entire episodes the viewers will think it's so romantic.
@CinderellaDoe THE WIND DO BLOW
@thatboyfriendPhilip You know, the boyfriend in Season One.


GONE WITH THE WIND

@Queen_Scarlett Fiddle dee dee don't you go around messing with me. #rememberimthequeen
@Rhett_richButler Frank guy, extremely rich, not to mention intelligent. I generally get what I want in the end.
@Ashleywilkes Melanie is my wife. I love you! Scarlett I love you. Please look after her. God willing, I'll be back.
@Melanie_Wilkes Wife of my darling Ashley and Mother of the sweetest son in the world. The world is filled with wonderful people! There is good in everyone, especially @Queen_Scarlett!
@MrsEllen_OHara "When you do good deeds, do not try to show off" {Matthew 6:1}
@IRISHO'Hara Being Irish is great it means you can drive horses really fast! Owner of Tara
@MAMMY Some things jus aint fittin but people awe not gonna listen dey listen to the chile instead! jus aint fittin!
@Suellenthegreat I HATE MY SISTER SHE STOLE MY BEAU AND THEN SHE DIDN4T CARE WHEN HE DIED
@Careen_theyoungest // Rest in Peace, Brent Tarlenton // Isaiah 40:11 //
@BrentWoot Tarlenton Redhead, twin brother of Stuart, we're gonna have fun at the barbeQ right?
@StartWoot Tarlenton Redhead, twin brother of Brent, we're sure gonna have fun at the barbeQ
@official_account_of_TARA Account run by @Queen_Scarlett . Contact me for good deals .
@IndiaWilkes some people suck
@BonnieBlueButler Bonnie Blue is going to be the princess of the whole world (account run by her loving father)
@Belle_Watling am i good or bad you decide i dont care
@theservantgirlprissy i can help woman whos gonna have a baby! scared of the war!
@WillBenteen The war may be over, but we still all have duties to face. Let us go and face them with joy.


LES MISERABLES

@JeanValjean Look up. Help others. Number: 24601. Life advice: don't steal bread.
@Fantine I dreamed a dream and then I died. #cuttinghairdoesnthelp #sellingteethdoesnthelp #savecosette
@Sweet_Cosette I have a heart filled with love for @Mariusthepoet ! He is everything!
@Mariusthepoet I have a heart filled with love @Sweet_Cosette ! She makes my chairs and tables look less empty.
@Eponinegirl Pluviophile / Third wheeling forever. #onmyown
@The_Javert My name is Javert. I repeat: My name is Javert. Looking for 24601. Look down unless there are stars.
@ENJOLRAS_RED Duuude we can DO this! RED AND BLACK ARE COOL COLOURS. Specially red. #Yolo #noreallythisisserious
@Gavroche I love elephants. Yes @ENJOLRAS_RED we can do this! #Yolo
@Madamethenardier DARLING Eponine. Ugh Cosette. Mistress of the house. I collect gross things. Mwhaha.
@MonsieurThenardier MASTER OF THE HOUSE. That's ME!
@thebishop I have a very detailed house. The candles are pretty. Do good deeds!

Funny things

5 Things on the Internet that annoy me

27.11.16


Happy first day of Advent. Happy National Craft Jerky Day. (No seriously, that's a thing.) Happy National Bavarian Cream Pie Day. (If you think I'm making this up, I'm not.) Today I'm going to complain about things on the Internet. Because it's fun. And because Internet can be extremely, extremely annoying. And yet, we're carried away by it and have patience for it.

1. Long intros on Youtube videos
UGH I HATE THIS.
This is probably the one that annoys me the most, and it's everywhere on Youtube. If you don't know what I'm talking about, well, let me elaborate. Many Youtubers, when they start a video, called say, 'DIY's for Christmas' they start the video with something like, 'wassup, guys!' and then they explain what they're going to do in the video. This I can manage. But then so often they just ramble on and on. Often they even say 'like this video!' in the INTRO. Like, NO! SO FAR THIS VIDEO HAS BEEN VERY BORING. And sometimes they say stuff like, 'Oh and one more thing...' and then finally after like a four minute intro, they say, 'Now let's get into the video!'
AS IF THE VIDEO HASN'T STARTED YET.
It HAS!
The video starts from 0:00. Duh.
So I get why people do intros, and short intros are fine. But really, even those aren't needed. Viewers aren't STUPID. They will get from the title that a video called 'DIY's for Christmas' is 'DIY's for Christmas.'  If it's a music video, they will get, okay, as soon as the video starts that it's a song. There is no need to explain. People can figure it out for themselves by just watching the video. And reading the title.
Rant over. Next rant.

2. Buzzfeed
Nuff said. Ugh.
The clickbait, the stupid useless-ness of it and the way it grabs time with meaningless articles about 'what cheese are you' and 'ten things that will make you say legit' or whatever. Buzzfeed makes me loose hope for humanity. Buzzfeed should read Ecclesiastes and realise how meaningless they are.

*insert random cute picture*


3. When ads don't even load!
Ads are an immense nuisance. Period. But what really takes the giddy biscuit is when they don't load and you have to WAIT FOR SOMETHING YOU HATE. *turns off caps* *turns off italics* You know what I'm talking about, right? When you're going to watch a video, and there's an ad before the video and then wifi gets bad and the ad won't load. Just... I WANT TO WATCH THE VIDEO. But there's an ad. And I have to go through the ad before the video - I accept that. But when the ad doesn't load... ugh, the way it plays on my patience. I'm quitting.

4. Serious 'sexy' selfies
WHY.
Serious selfies annoy me sooo much. I love selfies, I'm not one of those 'ughh teens with their stupid selfies' people - but SMILE PLEASE. THAT'S THE POINT. I don't get why people go all serious on pictures. It's not professional, or chique, or glam, or hot. It just looks plumb ridiculous. And then of course there are comments with like, 'OMG YOU'RE SO PRETTY' which makes me roll my eyes which makes the older generation turn around in their graves. (Duck-face selfies, of course, are terrible too. But I think we can all agree on that and don't need to talk about it. *shudder*)

5. Repost if you...
Repost if you love Jesus. Pin if you would stay up all night to convince out of suicide. Repost if your best friend is beautiful. Okay, these are all true and I've seen all of them, BUT I'M NOT GONNA REPOST. And that doesn't make me less of a human... I just don't want to repost it! I don't need to repost something to prove that this is true. This just bothers me because it makes me feel guilty about not spending some extra time posting something which will make other people feel exactly the same. Why is this a THING. :-P


(Also: We don't need another make-up tutorial. Or another cover of Let it Go. Or a duck-face selfie. And Instagram, I know legs exist. Stoppit.)

What are some things online that annoy you?
And I fully realise I sound like a very grumpy person in this post. Share if you agree. Like and subscribe and don't forget to comment! (Yeah, people say that way to much. If the post is good: You will get comments and likes and followers. But begging makes one sound so desperate!) (I find it hilarious when Youtubers with MILLIONS of followers say the 'Like and subscribe' thing. As if they're scared of not getting enough attention.)

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